cdxxxiv. ZAPPA, Frank (1940-1993)
Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk (2021)
FZ, guitar, computer-synth, vocal
Ike Willis, guitar, synth, vocal
Mike Keneally, guitar, synth, vocal
Robert Martin, keyboards, vocal
Ed Mann, percussion
Walter Fowler, trumpet, flugelhorn, synth
Bruce Fowler, trombone
Paul Carman, alto, soprano and baritone saxophones
Albert Wing, tenor saxophone
Kurt McGettrick, baritone and bass saxophone, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes, bass, minimoog
Chad Wackerman, drums, electronic percussion
Eric Buxton, narration
(8:46)
from: Zappa '88: The Last U.S. Show
Thirty-four years ago, The Best Band You Never Heard in Your Life (1991) [so named because -- with the exception of some East Coast cities -- most of the U.S. never got to hear them] played their final concert performance in the U.S. -- at the Nassau Coliseum in Uniondale, New York on March 25, 1988 ...
It's doubtful that anyone imagined it would be Zappa's final concert ever in the U.S. But it was.
Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk was a new tune, written for this tour ... busted TV evangelists were all over the news in those days. It's lyrics were awfully prescient:
"Suddenly
The rights of 'certain people' disappear
Mysteriously?
Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify
As an American Tragedy?
Especially if he covers it up,
Sayin', 'Jesus told it to me!'
I hope we never see that day,
In the Land of the Free --
Or someday will we?
Will we?"
**
There's an ugly little weasel 'bout three-foot nine
Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
'Cause her sweet little hubby's
Suckin' prong part time
(In the name of The Lord)
Get a clue, little shrew
Oh yeah,oh yeah
Jesus thinks you're a jerk
Would He really choose Tammy to do His Work?
(Let's just think about that for a moment.)
Robertson says that he's The One
Oh he sure is, if Armageddon
Is your idea of family fun,
An' he's got some planned for you!
(Now tell me that ain't true)
Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay,
Will Pat let Jimbo get away?
Everything we've heard him say
Indicates that Jim must pay,
(And it just might hurt a bit)
But keep that money rollin' in,
'Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo
Can't get enough of it
Perhaps it's their idea
Of an Affirmative Action Plan
To give White Trash a "special break";
Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran
To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank!
And every night we can hear them thank
Their Buddy, up above
For sending down His love
(While you all smell the glove)
Jim and Pat should take a pole
(Right up each saintly glory-hole),
With tar and feathers too --
Just like they'd love to do to you
('Cause they think you are bad --
And they are very mad)
'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school!
(We'd need an ark to survive the drool
Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate,
And "Jimbo-Jumbo" when they graduate)
Convinced they are "The Chosen Ones" --
And all their parents carry guns
And hold them cards in the N.R.A.
(With their fingers on the trigger
When they kneel and pray)
With a Ku-Klux muu-muu
In the back of the truck,
If you ain't Born Again,
They wanna mess you up, screamin':
"No abortion, no-siree!"
"Life's too precious, can't you see!"
(What's that hangin' from a neighbor's tree?
Why, it looks like "colored folks" to me --
Would THEY do THAT
They've been doin' it for years!
Seriously?)
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the dynamic Eric Buxton
Imagine if you will,
A multi-millionaire TV Evangelist,
Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator
Studied law --
But is not qualified to practice it
Father of a "love child"
Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants
Of papa's religious propaganda program
Claims to be a "Faith Healer,"
But has, in the past
Dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes
Involved with funding for an "undeclared war" in Central America
Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends
Involved in suspicious "tax-avoidance schemes,"
(Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.)
Claims to be a MAN OF GOD;
Currently seeking the United States Presidency,
Hoping we will all follow him into --
The Twilight Zone
(Good work, Eric! Good!)
What if Pat gets in the White House,
Or even Eric?
(No fuckin' way, Ike,
He ain't getting in this time)
And suddenly
(He's gonna try again in '92)
The rights of "certain people" disappear
Well, mysteriously?
Now wouldn't that sort of qualify
as an American Tragedy?
Especially if he covers it up,
("And I mean that")
Sayin', "Jesus told it to me!"
(Just me, babe. Like, we're tight. We're like this.)
I hope we never see that day,
In the Land of the Free --
Or someday will we?
Will we?
And if you don't know by now,
The truth of what I'm tellin' you,
Then, surely I have failed somehow --
(Sigh)
Surely I have failed somehow
(Oh, Tammy, isn't it romantic?)
Surely I have failed somehow
And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you --
If you let those TV Preachers
Make a monkey out of you!
(Tell 'em!)
I said:
"Jesus will think you're a jerk"
And it would be true!
There's an old rugged cross
In the land of the cotton
They keep it burnin' out there on the lawn
But those assholes are still just as rotten
Jim and Tammy!
Oh, baby!
You gotta go!
You really got to go!
Jim and Tammy got to go
