dxxiv. ZAPPA, Frank: Welcome to the United States

dxxiv. ZAPPA, Frank (1940-1993)

Welcome to the United States (1993)
Ensemble Modern
(6:42)

from The Yellow Shark

As Kretzschmar reads the visa form, Zappa conducts the ensemble with predetermined cues and improvisatory sections: Laugh now.

The music seems to be some kind of German march, perhaps associated with the carnival Römer mentions (Fastnach; Shrovetide) ...

Rainer Römer: Ladies and gentlemen, here he goes, Peter Rundel, he seems to be disgusted. Whatever. Ridero ridera! Heute fängt die Fastnach aa' Ha ha ha! LAUGH NOW! (HA HA HA HA HA!) Be quiet! Von seiner Werkbank zu uns heute Abend hergekommen ist unser Herman Kretzschmar wolle mer'n reinlasse? Laugh now! (HA HA HA HA HA!)

Hermann Kretzschmar:

Welcome to the United States (Rumbling, forbidding music)

This form must be completed by every nonimmigrant visitor not in possession of a visitor's visa.

Type or print legibly in pen in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. USE ENGLISH.

Item 7 -- If you are entering the United States by land, enter LAND in this space. (LAND!) If you are entering the United States by ship, enter, unh-unh, SEA in this space.

Do any of the following apply to you? (Answer Yes or No)

(No! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!)

A. (Zappa punctuates an attack immediately following the "A.") Do you have a communicable disease; (COUGH NOW! Coughs ...) physical or mental disorder; (chaotic improv) or are you a drug abuser or addict? (harp gliss, blissful feeling)

Tell me Bill, Yes or No. (No) Louder. (No!)

B. (again sharp percussive attack; bass drum beats in time) Have you ever been arrested (whistle!!) or convicted (two beats, sounding like a door of a jail cell being slammed closed!) for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance (more harp glisses); or ever been arrested (whistle) or convicted (door slam) for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more?

Answer Yes or No. (Yes! Yes, sir! Yes! No! No! No!)

Or been a controlled substance trafficker (the band breaks into a Latin beat); or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?

Answer Yes or No. (Yes or No) Thank you!

C. (cowbell) Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage (woodblock) or sabotage (whispered; chaotic music); or terrorist activities; (Louie, Louie!) or genocide (harp glisses); or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions with Nazi Germany or its allies?

Answer Yes or No. (Yes)

Thank you very much! And welcome to the United States! (The band starts in on the 7/8 vamp for the following track, Pound for a Brown) ...

Rainer Römer: Thank you very much! Here they go! Frank Zappa and Hermann Kretzchmar! Back on stage, Peter Rundel!